Preview: Cho Aniki Zero

In the beginning, there was man. In the beginning of shooter Cho Aniki, there were many scantily-clad men. And it was good. Thanks to Aksys Games and their penchant for all things zany, us wacky American gamers are being given the chance to play through a brand new homoerotic adventure via the loving PlayStation Network. The downloadable title Cho Aniki Zero has been officially announced for a PSP release, and it’s looking rather buff.

Scant details are currently available regarding this flamboyant shoot ‘em up, but I’ve dug up what’s available and I’ve got you covered…or uncovered. Whichever is funnier. Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of jokes for this one.

Cho Aniki Zero follows the man-tastic adventures of brand new characters to the series, Idaten and Benten, through their perilous fight to take down Lord Balzac II. Ever since the death of the original Balzac (expressed throughout the history in the previous Cho Aniki games), Builder Planet has been suspended in a relatively peaceful state stretching on for years. However, the unfortunate citizens of Builder Planet are suffering from a severe shortage of protein. To these muscled, mustachioed, and manly men with machismo, protein may as well be as valuable as gold. As people struggle to get by with such scant amounts of protein, Lord Balzac II seizes the opportunity to rise in power, and thus reign supreme over Builder Planet. Neither Idaten nor Benten are down with that, and despite their lack of protein, they set off to pacify Lord Balzac II…and not in that way, you perverts.

choa2Thus, your adventure begins. Throughout five levels, which should hopefully be long enough to quell your thirst for oily, Speedo-clad men, Idaten and Benten will employ some of the wackiest tactics in order to get to Balzac II. Don’t worry, though! It won’t be too hard of a journey despire the stiff competition. Simply collect Man Protein (get your mind out of the gutter) and unleash the Men’s Beam to clear out loads of enemies. Choose from several sidekicks to help you on your way: Samson, El, Micha, and Adon are standing at attention.

Classic side-scrolling shooter action should satisfy old-school gamers (I’m still waiting for a remake of Solar Striker) and the frolicking, nearly-nude men should delight and enthrall. You may have only heard of the infamous franchise via gaming magazines and websites, but now it’s time to jump in and take Cho Aniki by its proverbial balls!

Cho Aniki Zero is projected for a spring 2010 release. That’s plenty of time to hit the weights, bulk up, and work on that Speedo-ready body…that is, if you’re man enough. And I am. Except for that whole, you know, female thing.

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