Feature: Who’s On Your Video Game Zombie Killing Squad?

Dead Island weaves a bloody tale full of severed limbs, bikini babes, and slaughtered beachgoers. After the beautiful island of Banoi was suddenly stricken with a severe case of the zombies, a ragtag bunch of survivors stood together and fought back all in an effort to fight another day. The motley crew of rebels was anything but prepared to take on the snarling, rabid monsters, but I’ve had time to prepare for a zombie apocalypse.

I’m ready. I’ve chosen some of the best candidates I could think of to bring along with me on my own personal crusade against the undead. Here are my choices, but of course that begs the question: who’s your zombie-killing squad?

Marcus Fenix, Gears of War

Any self-respecting zombie slaying squad needs a soldier. As far as brute force goes, you can’t challenge Gears of War 3’s Marcus Fenix. Look at the guy: neckless, beefy, and built like a tank. Let’s not forget his arsenal of deadly armaments. If his standard-issue Lancer can slice through a lambent wretch like butter, an undead abomination would be no contest, and may the God of War help any shambling monstrosity who dares to get close enough to challenge the butt of the iconic chainsaw bayonet. He’s able to keep a cool head during a crisis (he did help Dom out of a particularly hellish nightmare) and he’s a dependable and reliable workhorse who could certainly be trusted to guard supplies or the wounded while a mobile squad moves out to build up the reserves. He’s still human, though, so be prepared to have to wrangle this tough customer if the unthinkable (a bite) does occur. Barring that, I’d kill to have this COG solider by my side.

Luna, Lunar: Silver Star Story

Luna, the beautiful azure-haired girl-next-door heroine of Lunar: Silver Star Story is a revered spellcaster with a gossamer singing voice and some very special heritage (she’s kind of a big deal). Forget broken bones, wounds oozing with pus, and dwindling medical supplies. Luna’s a one-stop shop for all your physical ailments. While she may not be able to reverse the effects of zombification, she’s more than capable of clearing up any kind of major injury in merely seconds. She can raise, heal, cure poison, and protect you all via simple songs. No complicated spell preparation, runes, or artifacts are needed for Luna’s beautiful songs, and it’s easy for her to “la, la, la” all the way down a zombie-filled alleyway while running to safety. Seems pretty convenient to me to have a healer tagging along who can also take care of herself. Band-Aids are sort of hard to come by in a zombie apocalypse. While she may be a little inept at dealing major damage, Luna’s restorative litanies are a force to be reckoned with. Sorry, Dragonmaster Alex – Luna’s coming with me.

Voldo, Soulcalibur

You’ve got to be a little insane already before hauling out to slay a horde of zombies. Might as well surround yourself with the same kind of company. Voldo from Soulcalibur: blind, insane, and possibly suicidal, is an undulating madman armed with deadly, razor-sharp knives. He can unleash a flurry of deadly slashes without much regard for his own well-being, making him the prime candidate for last-ditch kamikaze efforts. Need to clear out a path through several hundred zombies swarming around a particularly enticing supermarket entrance? Send Voldo through to lop off some heads. His bizarre shuffle is already a bit zombie-like, so he’d also perform superbly as a decoy should you need a quick distraction. I can’t imagine he’d protest much at orders to completely annihilate any organic beings in his immediate vicinity, either. His style may be a little erratic, but you can’t argue with results.

Samus Aran, Metroid

Samus of Metroid fame may be a little busy already, but due to her agility, combat experience, and threatening weaponry, she’d make an excellent addition to my little team. Heavy armor and the ability to curl up into a ball mean she’s tough to eat and even tougher to catch. Reaching tight places would easily become a cinch, as would be clearing up a perimeter with Aran’s signature bombs. Meta Ridley was only a warm-up for the carnage she would unleash upon the pitiable ghouls who dare encroach on her personal space. There is one caveat, though: I want pre-Other M Samus. I’m not sure her younger self could handle the stress and I’m not about to give her a thumbs-up each time I need to call out an order.

Travis Touchdown, No More Heroes

It’s all about staying alive in a real zombie apocalypse, but there’s gotta be a little time for laughter, too. How else can you keep up the morale? Travis Touchdown from No More Heroes is a trash-talking otaku who can always be counted on to deliver a hilarious one-liner even in the most dire of situations. Armed with the lightsaber-esque Beam Katana and some extremely powerful combo attacks, Touchdown has fought his way through the ranks to become a top assassin. Zombies should be absolutely no issue. He’s clearly skilled in the art of brutally knocking the heads off of many a baddie, and his spot-on accuracy and ever-accurate Beam Katana make him a value asset to the team. Strawberry on the undead shortcake!

That’s who we would want slaying the undead left and right if the zombie apocalypse were to descend upon us tomorrow. But what about you? What five gaming heroes would you want on your your side while you slaughter the shambling shufflers?

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